The Grief and Fear of Building a Slow Business (And Why It’s Still Worth It)
When slowing down isn’t a choice
I want to acknowledge that although I’m an advocate for slow capacity-first business, actually knowing you need to work like that is really, really hard.
When I first realised I couldn’t work a traditional 9-5, even though I hadn’t been working a 9-5 for a few years, I felt a deep sense of loss.
There’s a difference between choosing not to and no longer having the choice, and that is incredibly scary.
The fear and risk of self-employment
Being self-employed has always suited me, and I’ve loved the businesses I’ve created over the years. But being self-employed comes with its own risks, too. I don’t have any paid holidays or sick pay, and my income can vary massively month to month.
I’m always seen as ‘risky’ when big money decisions need to be made, like financing a new car or when our fixed mortgage term is up and needs renewing. My husband, who gets a set monthly salary from his employed job, is much safer.
And I get it. I understand. I know the risks.
Would I love to have a set, consistent monthly income? Of course. But for me, my needs, and the fact that I’m the main carer for my youngest son who has disabilities, that’s never going to be true for me again. So the worries creep in.
Living with uncertainty
There’s always that thought in the back of my mind of what if my husband falls and breaks his leg and can’t work? Or what if something more serious happens? How would we afford the mortgage and pay the bills? Obviously, we have insurance that would cover us, but the thoughts don’t stop for me.
When my income is lower one month, I feel like a burden on my family. We’re unable to put money into savings that month, or say yes to days out or extra treats. The stress gets to me. The pressure that I need to make money, but also how can I guarantee to make money when my needs aren’t consistent?
It’s frustrating!
When capacity isn’t consistent
Sometimes I desperately want to live in a body that allows me to get up and go to work with consistent energy every day. I’d love it if my brain could manage the noise, people and overstimulation of a work environment, and do the work anyway. And of course, it’d be much easier for me to work if I didn’t have children, let alone having one who needs constant attention, medication, appointments, tests, and reviews. Oh, and if I could always be consistently happy and never have my mental health ebb and flow, that would be fantastic, too.
However, none of these are true for me.
And as much as I love my job and will always advocate for you to build a business that works around you and your needs, I’m also not naive to how truly scary, stressful and exhausting that actually is to build.
Building a slow business will not take away the fears, but it will allow you to support yourself as you manage them.
What a slow business does give you
There are so many wonderful reasons to be self-employed, too.
How wonderful is it that my business allows me to drop everything and care for my youngest when he needs me? How freeing is it that I can swap things around when I need to attend an appointment, or when my body needs rest and my business allows me to listen and do just that?
It blows my mind that I’ve actually built a business that bends with me without breaking. I feel so much love towards myself for having the self-respect and being brave enough to put me and my family first.
I will not sacrifice myself, my health, my family or helping my son get all of the help he possibly can so he has the chance to live a fulfilling life, just for a monthly income.
A permission slip for you
So here’s my permission slip if you’re reading this and are struggling between the two:
If you need to work in a way that is slower or riskier than the norm, you’re not weak or broken or failing. And you’re certainly not alone.
You are, in fact, incredibly brave. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Grieve the traditional way that you can’t have. Be frustrated, angry and upset. But know that you are brave enough to build something magical instead.
I’ve created a free Slow Business Starter Kit as a gentle place to pause and find steadier ground. It’s there whenever you need it.
Speak soon,
Sophie
If you’re ready to start building a business that works with your life instead of against it, begin with my free Slow Business Starter Kit. It’ll walk you through creating your own gentle weekly rhythm and building the foundations of a slower, simpler, and more sustainable business.
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